


Spell Sensational Without She-Hulk

by Yatterqueen



Series: #wedgiewednesday [5]
Category: Unlisted
Genre: Gen, no tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-06-01 07:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6508420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yatterqueen/pseuds/Yatterqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sensational She-Hulk is one of the best comic books I've ever read in my life. This can't fairly be called a <a class="discoverytag" href="http://www.deviantart.com/tag/wedgiewednesday">#wedgiewednesday</a> story but I had fun doing it. Kind of tried to take the metafictional gags of Sensational and apply them here, which was honestly <i>suuuuper </i>fun. I think I'm going to do it more often.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Spell Sensational Without She-Hulk

**Author's Note:**

> Sensational She-Hulk is one of the best comic books I've ever read in my life. This can't fairly be called a [#wedgiewednesday](http://www.deviantart.com/tag/wedgiewednesday) story but I had fun doing it. Kind of tried to take the metafictional gags of Sensational and apply them here, which was honestly _suuuuper_ fun. I think I'm going to do it more often.

    Jennifer Walters, the Sensational She-Hulk, has somewhat gotten over the cancellation of her latest solo. The blow's softened by the fact she got A-Force, but it still sucks. Just when she was beginning to like having a monkey in the office.

    Still, it's too early in the morning to be crying over spilled milk. 

    She throws on some purple spandex shorts and a fun t-shirt she got from a fan reading: "LEAN GREEN LAWYER MACHINE," puts in a pair of earphones, and jogs out the door. Usually, she'd bring Lyra with her, but Lyra's not in this story.

    Jogging's fun, even more when she's singing "Shake It Off" a bit too loudly for a metropolitan street even this early, but conflict is the essence of a story and no one's reading this for 1000+ words of Jen jogging. Even _she_ wouldn't pick that up at her vainest.

    Well, maybe if Shatner did a dramatic reading of it.

    She stops jogging, catching a breath. 

    "Wonder when it's gonna' pick up?" she mumbles. "Borin' me here."

    As if answering her, Madcap (remember him? of course you don't) materializes behind her and dips his hands into her shorts, reemerging with the legholes of her white panties.

    Jen's eye twitches as her underwear rises up out of her shorts and into her, Madcap hooking the legholes to her shoulders. She makes eye contact with a woman about to laugh, scaring her into silence. All in all, the pain is rather negligible, but it's incredibly uncomfortable and annoying.

    "Nice look for you, Jen. Do a cover and I'm sure the issues'll sell like hotcakes."

    "I think -- I'm doing just fine."

    She tries to reach out for his throat, but it makes the underwear stretch uncomfortably, sharply invading her and he moves out the way anyway.

    "Catch me if you can~" he teases, running as fast as he can. 

    Jen grumbles as she removes her panties from her shoulder, trying (and failing) to get all the fabric out of her ass. She doesn't dash after Madcap, knowing from convention she'll catch him and hurt him, but she does up her jogging pace.

    Might as well work out on the way to kick some ass.

    It's a couple minutes later (super strength + long legs + linear storytelling = jogging faster than the fastest man alive) when Jen reaches him. Madcap doesn't hear her from some reason, so she's able to just grab him by his head.

    Wordlessly, but with that trademark grin, he points behind her. Jen doesn't take the bait, though she regrets it immediately.

    Titania hoists her as high as she possibly can by the waistband of her panties, Jen's underwear being used as a weapon for the second time this story. This time, though, it really does hurt like hell and reminds her why anal never sounded fun in college.

    Jen drops Madcap, arms flailing around, as she tries to find something to grab and hold onto.

    "Let me down, you orange-haired knockoff!" she demands. "I'm gonna' get you back so --"

    Titania lets her down just to bounce her back up, and that continues for a solid minute.

    "--ow! hey! Easy!"

    Jen's starting to taste her underwear, and she's sure now that after being the string on a yoyo, they're never going back in her shorts or will even be _wearable_ again.

    Titania lets her down finally to laugh, but before she can even get the sound out, Jen uppercuts her with all the flair and speed of Ali in his prime.

    Stuffing her panties back into her shorts as best she can (which here means, they're still sticking a solid inch), Jen decides what to do with Titania. Looking back on it, she finds it weird Titania never actually taunted her during that whole wedgie sequence.

    "Not the real thing, huh?" To add credence to this, Titania is blonde (a typical colorist mistake). "Well, then it won't really be hurting anyone if I get a bit of revenge."

    A few minutes later, Jen's back on the chase, leaving the fake Titania hanging on a lamppost by her leotard's legholes. 

    Now, Jen's running.

    Because, well, now she's bothered.

    She finds Madcap just standing there waving, and it doesn't even register to her that it might be a trap (because it's the exact kind of stupid move that's totally Madcap). She punches through his face, but he just... disappears.

    Jen's eyes bulge as she gets a wedgie bigger than the one Titania gave her, and bigger than any one her nieces could come up with. Her underwear immediately shoots up above her head, and she can only grit her teeth, hold her front, and wait for it to be over.

    It's not that easy, though, as Madcap keeps yanking and yanking and yanking until Jen's pretty sure her panties have become the world's biggest blanket. They stick out maybe a few hundred feet from her shorts, the legholes and seat the only thing visually connecting her and them.     Madcap throws the panties over her head, and they droop to the floor, looking more like a narrow blanket than a true atomic wedgie.

    Bending down, Madcap grabs the waistband, pulls it between her legs, and throws it over her head again. Still a really big, narrow blanket. He does it a few more times, but her underwear is so stretched out, it doesn't even go taut.

    Madcap pokes her a few times, trying to get a reaction, but the wedgie's honestly taken Jen for a loop. He shrugs and runs away.

    It's a solid 30 seconds before Jen starts to react again, and as she works her underwear from over her head, it's clear what froze her.

  _Rage._

    She's _pissed the hell off._

    Her underwear's not going back in her shorts, but she can't just have it dragging behind her in case it snags on something, so she throws it over her shoulder like a scarf.

    And then she fucking _darts_. 

    Madcap doesn't even register her presence before she's on his neck, about to knock his lights out.

    "Hope you aren't afraid of heights!" he says.

    Jen narrows her eyes, but before she can knock him out, her underwear scarf raises up in the air. She looks up and a helicopter has grabbed hold of her underwear with a hook.

    It gets her off the floor, but Jen skips that whole scene and is back on Madcap, pinning him to the ground and punching him over and over.

    He can't be hurt, so this is more just cathartic for her. Her revenge is much sweeter.

    She shows him his appearance in Deadpool and well, Madcap just leaves, dejected.

    "Jesus Christ," she says, finally taking the time to tend to her ass. She notices a crowd watching and whispering about how stretched out her underwear is, but she waves it off.

    "This isn't even canon. Nothing here matters."


End file.
